


A Life in Oldtown

by antistia22



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreams, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-03-07 05:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18866269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antistia22/pseuds/antistia22
Summary: Kit Harington’s advice to Jon Snow:If I was to go back in time and give Jon a piece of advice, just as he's about to go off and join the Night's Watch, I'd come in and be like: No, no, no, Jon. So you know you’re thinking about going to the Night’s Watch, just take it from me… don’t. You’re gonna go through hell and you’re gonna be really scarred at the end of it. Go get on a boat and go to Oldtown. And then go find a nice wife and a child and set up shop there ‘cause that place doesn’t get all like fucked up. Well, you’re going to the fucked-up place. Don’t do it.(From this video at 2:40: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKxbuU7c8Uo)This is where Jon has a life that is different and good. Where he does have love and a family and happiness. A life where being a Snow or a Stark or a Targaryen doesn't matter as much as he thinks it does. And seeing how Jon being an observer in the South changes the history of Westeros.





	1. Prelude - House Tollett

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go. This is me wanting to give Jon a life that is different and good. Where he does have love and a family and happiness. A life where being a Stark or a Targaryen doesn't matter as much as he thinks it does. And seeing how Jon being an observer in the South changes the history of Westeros. 
> 
> This is therapy my friends, therapy.

 

 House Tollett Genogram

 

                                                                                                                              >  Hanna Melcolm Tollett

                                                                                    >X>  Yuna Tollett               >  Beth Melcolm Tollett

                                                                                               Harlan Melcolm       X> unnamed son

                                    >>>      Uthor Tollett            

                                              ~~~ Bethara Shett           >>  Ulrick Tollett               > Yule Tollett

                                                                                              Norea Royce             > Kyrra Tollett

                                                                                   

 

                                                                                   >>  Titus Tollett                   > Ser Andrew Tollett

                                                                                       -X- Ryella Grafton  
  


   
  
                                                                                   >>   Osella Shett                  > Lyle Corbray

                                    >>>       Andrea Tollett                       Ser Lucas Corbray      > Lyanna Corbray

                                              ~~~ Ser Damon Shett                      
                                                                                   >>  Anara Shett                    > Bennard (Ben) Coldwater

                                                                                               Greycen Coldwater

                                                                                              
                                                                                   >>   Daemon Shett                > Osgood Shett

X Luthoros Tollett                                                                  Merianne Waynwood    > Wyllem Shett

   X Carynna Coldwater                                                                                              > Anrya Shett

                                   >X>     Torgen                                                                                              
                                   

                                   >>>     Parmen Tollett

                                                                                  >>   Talbert Tollett

                                                                                  >>   Ser Ormun Tollett

                                  >X>     Tolber Tollett               

                                                  Yaras Killian                                                           >  Garythson Tollett

                                                                                                                                >  Eddison (Edd) Tollett

                                                                                 >>  Garyth Tollett                   >  Rosenna (Rose) Tollett

                                                                                        -- Edenna Grafton            >  Myrsenna Tollett

                                                                                                                                >   Josyth Tollett

                                                                                                                              

                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                 >  Benwyn Stone

                                                                                 >>  Martta Tollett                     >  Kyle Stone

                                                                                             Carwyn Stone                >  Tolgen Stone

                                                                                                                                  >  Vayon Stone

 

 

House Tollett of Grey Glen is sworn to House Royce of Runestones. Their words are “ _When all is Darkest”._ They are connected through alliances and marriage with other houses sworn to House Royce including Shett, Coldwater and neighboring Houses of other regions of the Vale of Arryn.

Former Lord Luthoros Tollett and Lady Carynna Coldwater had four children, Uthor, Andrea, Parmen, and Tolber. House Royce has had major influence on marriages in between their sworn houses. Thus, both the eldest children of House Shett and House Tollett were married to the other. The heir Uthor Tollett married eldest daughter, Bethara Shett. And eldest daughter Andrea Tollett married heir of House Shett, Ser Damon. They were introduced and knew one another from various gatherings for House Royce and House Arryn over the years.

Uthor Tollett became the Lord of Grey Glen. Fiercely loyal to House Royce, Uthor was good friends with Yohn Royce. Uthor and Bethara have three children. Both parents were disappointed in having a daughter first, praying fervently to have boys.

Their eldest daughter Yuna was married to Harlan Melcolm, a lower of the principal houses sworn to House Arryn. Lord Royce thought it would be a good match and Uthor wanted Yuna gone. She learned to love Harlan but fell to despair after birthing two healthy girls, Hanna and Beth, fearing to never escape the troubles that plagued her as a young girl. Yuna died in childbirth while birthing a boy, though the baby died two nights after to the septa’s surprise, after being delivered healthy and strong.

Harlan Melcolm was closely connected with House Hunter of Longbow Hall and became friends with the third son, Harlan Hunter. After Yuna died, Melcolm married Harlan Hunter’s 16-year-old daughter, Alys. They had a son eight months later, named Eon after Alys’ grandfather. Hanna and Beth were sent back to live with Parmen Tollett, Uthor’s brother.

Lord Uthor successfully persuaded Lord Royce to marry Royce’s youngest daughter Norea to Uthor’s eldest son Ulrick. They have a son Yule and daughter Kyrra. Uthor remains alive, so Ulrick does many tasks of an up and coming Lord set to inherit his father’s position. Ulrick is well liked Grey Glen, more so than Uthor.

Uthor’s third son is Titus who married Ryella Grafton. She bore a son named Andrew. Ryella died of sickness when Andrew was nine. Titus loved Ryella dearly and loves his son. As second son, Titus wasn’t treated as favorably as Ulrick. Titus had a strong connection with his sister Yuna but couldn’t convince his father from sending her away. Growing up he was determined to become a knight but decided not to after the Tourney of Harrenhal. Instead he owns his own land with a modest keep. Ryella encouraged him to let his cousin Garyth and Martta Tollett let and work his land.

Luthoros and Carynna’s second child and only daughter is Andrea Tollett. She is the beloved Aunt of the whole Tollett family, particularly for the children. Married to Ser Damon Shett, they have Osella, Anara, and Daeren. She is very welcoming to all, a true Lady, and has stood against Uthor her entire life. She refused to speak to him for over 10 months of the Summer after Yuna was sent away. Andrea fiercely loves her family both for the Tolletts and the Shetts. The Shett words are: _“We See. We Strike. We Soar.”_

Andrea was well connected with various ladies throughout the Vale given her father and brother's close connection with their liege lord. She attended many social events as a young girl with a daughter of House Royce. Through her connections she formed a friendship with Anya Waynwood that has lasted throughout the years.

Her children were married to good houses. The eldest Osella married Ser Lucas Corbray, the third son of Lord Corbray. Andrea thought his second son Lyn to be too much of a cheat and a scoundrel to allow a match, and enjoyed Lucas' company far more, as did Osella. They have two children, Lyle and Lyanna. The second daughter Anara married Graycen Coldwater, the match suggested favorably by Yohn Royce. They have a son named Bennard Coldwater who is good friends with his second cousin Andrew Tollett, who nicknamed him Ben. And for her youngest and only son Daemon, Andrea was pleased to betroth him to a daughter of her good friend Anya Waynwood. Daemon Shett and Merianne Waynwood gave Andrea three more grandchildren, Osgood, Wyllem and Anrya. 

For their third child, Lady Carynna bore a stillborn baby boy. They would have named him Torgen Tollett.

Parmen Tollett was Carynna’s quiet child. Always in the shadow of his stern brother Uthor, he was reserved and bookish. The Tollett Maester was convinced he should go to study in Oldtown, but he loved his family more. He became an advisor for his Lord father in history and finance, earning enough through trading to purchase a keep on the Quiet Isle. He would retreat there when he wanted time away. Parmen cared deeply for Yuna, Uthor’s daughter, but Uthor would not listen to any of his siblings and sent Yuna to House Melcolm. Yuna stayed in contact with Parmen throughout her marriage.

Later, near the end of her life, she wrote to Parmen secretly, begging him to take the girls if anything happened to her, for after Beth was born, she fell into despair. Harlan began turning his head towards the young Alys Hunter. Parmen immediately took Hanna and Beth into his care upon their mother’s death. The girls refer to him as Father and took the name Tollett to honor their mother and adopted father. They live on the Quiet Isle but visit their cousins often. Parmen loves them very dearly.

The fourth son of Luthoros Tollett, Tolber, married a common girl, Yaras Killian. Tolber was a squire for one of his Father’s men for a time but fell in love with Yaras at Runestone. They married in secret. Once his father and eldest brother found out, they were shunned by the family, though Tolber kept in contact with his mother and siblings, Andrea and Parmen.

Tolber and Yaras had four children, Talbert, Ormun, Garyth, and Martta. Tolber and his eldest son Talbert fought in Robert’s Rebellion, Talbert as a squire for his Uncle Ser Damon Shett. Tolber died from wounds to the chest, leaving Talbert to abandon a knighthood to care and support his now widowed mother.

Talbert pushed his brother Ormun to become a knight in his place, taking his position as a squire with their uncle Ser Damon. Talbert never married. His siblings always noted he never seemed interested in girls.

After earning his knighthood, Ormun followed Yohn Royce’s son Robar the Red to Renly’s war camp. Years later, he would return after Renly’s death to his Uncle Ser Damon Shett and Aunt Andrea, who chided him fiercely for leaving them at all, saying, “You knew the moment you left the youngest Baratheon would never be king.”

The youngest of Tolber and Yaras, Martta, fell in love with a boy named Carwyn Stone, a bastard. She justified it claiming their mother was a commoner, why should a bastard be so different? Especially as Carwyn was the bastard of a noble family, House Corbray of Heart’s Home. They lived near there at Heart’s Home but continued to experience shame and discrimination from the Corbray family, thus moving to Grey Glen. They have four sons, Benwyn, Kyle, Tolgen, and Vayon, all named Stone. Carwyn rarely contributes to the family until forced to do so. Martta has come to resent him, but is determined to never leave him.

The third son of a fourth son, Garyth had opportunities to choose where his life would go. But once Robert’s Rebellion fell upon the Kingdoms, Tolber’s death led him to Edenna. Edenna’s father Marq Grafton had supported the Mad King Aerys and was killed by Robert himself when the Rebellion reached Gulltown. Gerold, Marq’s eldest son was forced to give himself and his sisters in marriage to Houses in the Vale who were loyal to Jon Arryn and Robert Baratheon. So, the two Grafton sisters were given to two available men sworn under Lord Royce. Ryella Grafton was given in marriage to Uthor’s son Titus, and Edenna was given in marriage to Uthor’s nephew Garyth after his nephew Talbert refused his Uncle, angry that his father Tolber had died and his uncaring, unloving Uncle Uthor had lived.

Edenna and Ryella remained close given the discrimination from other Houses in the Vale and around Gulltown for their Father’s alliance during the Rebellion.

Though Garyth and Edenna were given an unexpected match in each other, they grew deeply in love and had five children, Garythson, Eddison, Rosenna called Rose, Myrsenna - born just after the birth of Princess Myrcella Baratheon, and a third son named Josyth. Garyth lived and worked for his cousin Titus, thanks to the bond and love of both Grafton sisters, for Ryella insisted they support them. Their families grew up together. Titus’ son Andrew was two years younger than Eddison, the same age as Edd’s younger sister Rose. Andrew is the first to give Eddison the nickname Edd.

When Yoren came to recruit for the Night’s Watch in Gulltown and Runestone, Edd was not as much in poverty as he could have been, thanks to his mother and cousin’s family. He decided not to go to the Wall, but instead would go South. Andrew convinced him not to go North, especially given the tales he’d heard in the company of Waymar Royce. Edd didn’t want to be anywhere near the Wall if they were all men like that. But he knew he wanted to leave the Vale sometime in his life. All the girls were the same and it was cloudy all the time. His Uncle Uthor Tollett was a nightmare and his Uncle Gerold wasn’t much better. He needed to get away and his brother was already helping Uncle Titus and his father with the land.

Andrew stayed up late with him one night, talking about what they wanted to do. Andrew dreamed of being a knight while Edd wanted to go South, maybe see what learning to be a Maester would be like. So, Andrew helped him save enough to board the next ship from Gulltown to Oldtown. His mother and father were proud, though his mother couldn’t help but cry.

Arriving in Oldtown, Edd tried being a Maester for two days, but decided he could find something better to do than cleaning the shit of sick people all the time. He didn’t have money to get back to Grey Glen, so he decided to stay and find work and meet the new variety of women while he was at it.

And of all the people he would meet in Oldtown, he became friends with a bastard named Jon Snow.

 

 

 

 


	2. Do Not Go North

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The format of this fic may be different. I don't have too much time to flesh out every single scene that is in between the ones that are more thought out. At first I was going to keep it pretty outline styled but the conversations and ideas began to flow.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts as we go!

 

 

The King of the Seven Kingdoms heads North in search of a new Hand of the King. The death of Jon Arryn, devised by Littlefinger, sets in motion vast chaos to unfold, changing countless lives for worse.

Yet, a greenseer deep within the swamps of the Neck once had a green dream that will change a life for good. For he knows the woman he swore an oath to would surely haunt him if the life the greenseer saw her son live was made reality.

Thus, ever since the dream, the greenseer has waited for the King to ride North.

As he waited, he was overjoyed when the children born to him were given the gift of the sight. He taught them stories of a Wolf girl who rode better than any knight at a famous tourney with a laughing tree painted on her shield. And of a Dragon Prince who gave his crown of blue winter roses to her. He taught the story of a boy, born without the Wolf girl as his mother nor the Dragon Prince to be his father. And he taught how the boy would live, die, and live again in sorrow.

But then he taught them how the boy could be bound for a different life.

And they, the family of greenseers, would see this story come true.

 

 

After the beheading of the deserter, the group of riders find the stag, the mother wolf, and wolf cubs. Unbeknownst to them, all were a warning from the Future Three-Eyed Raven who would never be King, who himself was witnessing it for the first time as a young boy. 

The albino direwolf was found by Jon south of where the mother wolf lay along the stream's bank. Not only was he albino, he had less fur than normal.

The King and his court arrive at Winterfell. The Starks don't trust the Lions who've come to stay, Lady Catelyn still refuses to allow Jon to the feast, and Benjen arrives during the night.

The favored Uncle knows more about his nephew than his older brother would like to admit. As Benjen greets Jon and prods him about visiting and being welcome at the Wall, he is disheartened to learn his nephew is serious about joining the Night's Watch permanently. He has never wanted Jon to vow his life away and ruin that chance for happiness he knows his beloved sister found before she died in childbirth. He assures Jon they'll talk later, determined to rescue Ned from the Lannisters and Jon from his own naive decisions.

As he leaves him, Jon battles to shove Uncle Benjen's suggestion of family aside. He denied that he cares about having one of his own, but he can't seem to stop that thought from taking root - and growing.

A drunk Tyrion emerges from the shadows. They discuss being bastards in the world, and Tyrion gives Jon a line of advice that becomes treasured and remembered frequently for the rest of Jon’s life.

As Tyrion turns to leave, he pauses, a question on his wine tinged lips.

"Why do you believe the Wall is your only option? Why not make a life somewhere - anywhere else?"

"Serving at the Night's Watch is an honor for those -"

"An honor, you say," Tyrion gives Jon a skeptical look, "Is that what your Uncle tells the new recruits? Or do they round up young men like yourself who think they have nowhere else to go? Or are they boys who can't find food to feed their families, so they steal instead? Or men who decide to rape women, or men who sell other men into slavery, or men who kill their brothers or friends for gods know why? Do you believe _they_ think the Night's Watch is an honor?"

Jon found nothing to say in response for this clever Lannister.

"You might be the only person in the realm to join because you want to."

Those words take hold and begin to burr a hole in Jon's previously well-thought plans.

The following day, he seeks out his uncle and his father, demanding answers for the questions that are tearing at his hopes. And when consistently prodded and even guilt-driven to tell the truth of what the Wall is really like, the shattering of childhood fantasies is complete.

Benjen is relieved as Ned finds himself troubled and worried for his son. His sister's son by birth, yes, but the son he raised and calls his own. He doesn't know what he can say to his boy who is becoming a man. His son whom he knows he should have done more for as a child. The weight of his promise keeps the truths he hides to himself, even though those truths would give his son more possibilities for his life than he could ever fathom.

But the truths stay inside, especially with Robert Baratheon within his own castle.

He will never rid his mind of his sister whispering to him -  _Promise me._

Jon broods for the next few days to the extent that even Arya can't bring a smile to his face.

 

 

In the midst of the first week of the King's month-long stay in Winterfell, an unexpected banner is seen traveling North along the King's Road.

House Tarly of Horn Hill from the Reach.

As the Lord of Winterfell greets the newcomers, it is revealed that the guest is Samwell Tarly, Randyll Tarly's eldest son and heir. Samwell presents a letter to Ned Stark and is welcomed in the Stark halls for a few days of respite before continuing on their journey to the Wall. 

The Queen Cersei is beside herself with the insolence of an unplanned guest in the same keep as the King. How impertinent!

The King cares not a wit. Or so he claims. Everyone knows the King hated Randyll Tarly ever since the Rebellion. He does nothing to hide it from "whoever it is that has come from such a house."

"Least it were not the boys father or I'd have had his head with my hammer, aye Ned?"

Samwell sat with Robb, Theon and Jon at supper the following evening, describing stories of the South and giving knowledge of anything remotely interesting he thought would intrigue them. Theon began making comments mocking the Tarly boy for joining the Night's Watch and taunted him for his size. Robb inadvertently was called upon to join in the jokes, which were cruelly expounded in force by the Prince Joffrey (who had become jealous that this know-it-all, eldest son of a lesser Lord could gain the attention of the young men - even the bastard and Greyjoy hostage of the Stark household!).

This treatment of a guest who clearly had as much trouble interacting with others as Jon often felt and experienced, made Jon's shame and embarrassment of his family and guests' behavior grow painfully worse. Thankfully, Uncle Benjen distracted the young men into conversation long enough for Jon to follow an anxiety stricken Samwell out of the Great Hall.

In the practice yard, they spoke long into the night while playing with the ever-growing albino wolf, whom Jon had decided to name Ghost. They spoke of the Wall, the purpose of the Night's Watch, stories of legend - both of ice and of fire, and the reliability of those stories. They shared true tales of hurt as children from adults who should have been parental figures, and the impacts of their ill treatment. 

"I'm a coward," Samwell admitted, "My father always says so."

"I don't think the Wall is the best place for a coward to run to, Samwell." Jon thought of the first time he saw him stumble off his horse in the courtyard. If Samwell Tarly had that much inexperience with a horse, and was in the physical condition he was, which was more roundness and softness than strength and muscle, he didn't know how long his new friend would survive so far North. And knowing what he knew about the Night's Watch now, Jon was utterly frightened for him.

"Well, tis not as if I want to run there, really. My father commanded it. He came to me and said I was not worthy of his land and titles. He told me I would forsake all claim to my inheritance and start North to take the black. Or he would have a hunt, I'd fall off my horse and die. Or so he'd tell my mother. Nothing would please him more, he said. And you see, he even sent along Tarly soldiers to see to it I make it there in one piece. Or confirm my death along the way."

Jon sat stunned. "I'm sorry, Samwell."

He couldn't fathom his father ever imposing such a life on him, or being so cruel. Ned Stark was never cruel. Although his father _hadn't_ told him of what the Watch was really like until it was forced out of him. He had only ever talked about the honor - and Starks' having a history there - and Benjen's exaggerated experiences. But never had he spoken of the true corrupt state it had become. Nor did he ever mention other possibilities for Jon. He wasn't sure if it was him being unintentionally cruel or short sighted. His silence when it came to Jon's choice was more an endorsement than him saying anything else. 

But his Father's silences had always been the problem, hadn't they? Samwell broke through his thoughts,

"You though, you don't have to go to the Watch but you want to anyway."

"Used to want to," Jon corrected, "I'm not sure now."

"Why did you want to go?"

Jon sighed, watching Ghost as he ran towards Greywind, each nipping at the other's tail. "What's my name?"

"Jon Snow?"

"Why's my surname Snow?"

"Because you're a bastard from the North." That was probably the first time Jon had ever heard someone say that to him that way. Samwell said it with no ill intent, just simple plain truth, because that was what it was.

"I've always been told I'll never amount to anything, or if I do it's because I'm jealous of what my trueborn siblings have. I'm a bastard. That's always what I'll be, at least that’s what I’ve always known, or what has been meant by others’ treatment towards me." 

Ghost bounded over away from his sibling. He rubbed his little head on Jon's boot until Jon scooped him up into his lap, stroking his hands through the short, white fur.

Jon continued, "I guess - I guess I thought I could make something of myself as a Brother. Become a Ranger, earn the respect. Mayhaps even become Lord Commander one day."

"Running off to the Wall wouldn't change what we are," Samwell said.

"I understand that," Jon replied, "or I'm starting to."

They sat silently for awhile. Greywind came over to Jon, raising on his hind legs with his paws against Jon's knees. He sniffed at Ghost, as if asking him to come back and play. Ghost remained silent, as he always seemed to be, waiting long enough until Greywind was distracted and joined Lady and Nymeria, leaving Ghost alone in peace.

"You know you're not just any bastard, right?" Jon looked up at Samwell's question.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a highborn son of a Lord. And not just any Lord, but the Lord of Winterfell!" 

"What does that have to do -"

"How many other bastards do you know, Jon Snow?"

Jon opened his mouth but no words came out. He shut it again, turning his head away.

He knew of the stable hands. Boys from Wintertown, both older and younger than Jon's age. He had played with them when he was younger but stuck with Robb most days, what with lessons and practicing. A few of the lads were Snows, he knew that much, but he was ashamed to realize he knew none of their given names. Not even the boys who were true lowborn. There was Bowen and Harron Overton, Jeyne Poole, Jory and Beth Cassel, and countless other young children who lived in Winterfell with their parents, or in Wintertown, or were from vassal houses coming in and out of Winterfell who remained nameless. But Jon kept to himself or stayed with siblings more often. They were family.

"Not all bastards are raised like you. Most don't know who they're Father's are. They only know they can't go much farther than the life their own parent's had. But you're the son of Eddard Stark, best friend and future Hand of the King."

Ghost's ears perked up.

"Father hasn't accepted it yet!" Jon whispered loudly.

"But you know he's going to," Samwell whispered back, "I've been in Winterfell two nights and I already know it. It was already decided the moment the King set foot on the King's Road."

Jon knew it was true.

"Anyway - being a highborn means you have more opportunities than most would. You can build your own castle and become bannerman for Robb one day, or rebuild Moat Cailin in the Neck, or Wolf's Den in White Harbor! King Jon Stark was the first to build it! Why not reclaim it and restore it to glory?"

Jon laughed at Sam's excitement, "Lord Manderly has command of that ol' crumbling fortress. It belongs to some crippled knight now! I can't just steal it away from him for myself!"

"But that's just it," Samwell exclaimed, round cheeks flushing pink, "You're Father can command any of his bannermen to allow you anywhere. Yes, some might look down on you because of your status, but they can't argue against the Warden of the North's orders, Jon."

But another thought made Jon shake his head in frustration.

"I could go anywhere in the North, but anything I do will be seen as me trying to usurp Robb and steal Winterfell. Even if I made a vow at the Heart tree and swore by the Seven bloody gods in her sept, Lady Stark will never believe me when I say I don't want it! I am Robb's brother! I will not take it from him no matter how much I may have truly longed for it!"

Jon took in a deep breath to calm himself, Ghost licked his hands. It had always been the truth. He knew staying in the North could never be, not with Lady Catelyn so against him, despising his existence for something he had no control over. She would get what she wanted in the end, and he was powerless to stop it, no matter if he was the son of Ned Stark or not.

"You could always go South," Samwell offered.

Jon glanced at him.

"There are six other kingdoms you know. And there's even Essos. You don't have to go North."

"I know that."

"Yes, but do you believe it?" Samwell asked, "Or is it because you're a Stark so you have to stay in the North you're whole life?"

"I'm not a Stark."

"You're not? Oh!" Jon laughed at Samwell's overly surprised expression, realizing he was making a joke. Samwell broke into a grin then added, "Then what's keeping you here?"

"My family," Jon stated firmly. There was no doubt. 

"But some of your siblings will likely go South with your father and eventually you'd all grow up and be married off or become knights or what-have-you." 

Jon was suddenly hit by a wave of grief at the realization that Samwell Tarly was right. Things were going to change for all of the Starks in Winterfell, and very, very soon.

Jon stared at Samwell for a long moment. "How do you do it?"

Samwell's brow furrowed. "Do what?"

"Tell me things I already know, but make me realize they're real?"

"Because," Samwell swallowed, cheeks reddening again, "I know what it's like to have painful truths hit you when you weren't expecting them to come yet."

Jory Cassel came out of the nearest door to the practice yard, visibly relieved when he caught sight of them. Lord Stark had begun to worry and sent a few men out to find them.

They stood, Jon setting Ghost down to join the others. The moon had risen quite high and the fires in the open grates had started to fade lower. They stepped into the First Keep ready to part ways. But before Jon turned towards his chambers, Samwell stopped him.

"I'd like it if you called me Sam. It's what my mother called me."

Jon smiled. "Thank you, Sam. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Jon."

 

 

 

Once sleep claimed him, Jon fell into a dream. 

At first they were merely flashes -

Three dragons circled above a jagged castle. 

Men made of ice, who looked more like monsters, stared down at him with cold blue eyes. 

A green dragon crouched in front of him as he reached out to touch the rough scaled snout. His hand warmed at the contact.

Again, the monsters made of ice, but this time, only one stared at him. Spikes of ice crowned his head, his arms raised high, mocking him. A chill rushed down Jon's spine.

A woman with pale hair and purple steely eyes sat before him on a jagged stone throne. It flashed to her stepping down from a black dragon's wing.

Jon raised a familiar sword, blocking the strike of another monster made of ice. Amazingly, the monster's face turned to one of shock as Jon parried and struck true. The monster dissolved into fragments and disappeared.

He stood before a room of Northmen, raising their swords, chanting something he couldn't hear.

Men wrapped in furs were fighting all around him and alongside him. Climbing a Wall of ice. Protecting him against blue eyed skeletons. Each moment, a man with hair kissed by fire was at Jon's side. He saw flashes of the man looking at him with contempt, then hatred with arrows in his back, then respect, then admiration, then laughing holding an ale horn in hand. He hugged the man tightly as he said farewell. He felt sorrow take hold of him fiercely.

Another man with graying hair and beard in a long, weathered green cloak stood gazing at him with his hands behind his back. A kind smile on his face.

He watched Robb walk away, swept Sansa up in a hug, wiped the tears from Arya's eyes, kissed Bran on the forehead, charged recklessly toward Rickon.

Flashes came of blue fire hitting a castle, orange fire destroying a city gate, blue fire ready to swallow him, orange fire melting a throne.

Then he was in bed, touching the pale haired woman's softness as she laid under him.

Then he held her as she lay bleeding in his arms, surrounded by snow that felt gritty and smelled of death.

Men wrapped in black, stared down at him with accusation in their eyes. A blade ripped through his chest.

The pale haired woman, still bleeding, stared up at him with wide, shocked and betrayed eyes.

A red haired woman stared down at him in disconcerting awe.

He looked down to find his chest riddled with scars, and a terrible feeling of wrongness seeped through his bones. 

 

The flashes stopped and a feeling of peace settled in his heart. 

He sat under a heart tree on a grass covered ridge overlooking three rivers that flowed into one. He knew it to be the Trident in the Riverlands.

He looked and saw a woman down by the bank, light brown hair, a simple dress of deep blue, like the color of the sea, holding a small child by the hand, pointing to the waters. A large white direwolf padded along, keeping watch. They were too far away to see their faces, but he knew them by heart. The sun shone brightly in the clear sky. Jon felt himself smile and the strongest emotion he had rarely felt before overwhelmed him. 

He turned as a young man came and sat beside him. His hair was short, brown like the color of mud, and his clothes were those of earth material, thatched and moss covered. The young man's eyes were the brightest green he had ever seen. He knew the man, yet he did not.

"Hello Jon Snow. I'm Jojen Reed."

Jon smiled, "I thought I knew you."

"Aye, we'll be meeting again soon."

Jon nodded, glancing back to make sure the woman and the child were still there. His breath released as he confirmed they were. 

"Don't worry," Jojen said, "They will still be here as we speak."

"What will I remember of this when I wake?"

"You will remember the feelings you felt but not the faces you see. You will remember my words. And you  _must_ remember my words."

Jon steadily held the young man's gaze. An unshakable feeling of rightness seeping through his bones.

Jojen spoke.

"Do _not_  abandon them for anything or anyone. You must stay in the South. Do not leave. If you wish to live and see them all of your days," Jojen pointed to the woman and child and direwolf, "you must never go North. Do not go North, Jon. For anything. For anyone. Do you understand?"

Jon felt a surge of clashing emotions rage inside his heart. But as he looked once more to the woman and child and direwolf, only one remained.

"I understand."

Jon awoke peacefully with Ghost laying next to him.

He longed with everything inside him to know who it was that left him feeling overwhelmingly loved.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Change is Coming

 

 

 

Maester Luwin knocked on Lord Stark’s chamber door that morning. 

“A raven my Lord, or should I say an owl.”

Ned blinked, “An owl?” 

“Aye,” he replied, handing over the scroll, “I apologize for disturbing you so early, my lord, but with events and circumstances being what they are – it has been years since we’ve any message from them.”

Ned studied the seal a moment, his hand rubbed at his beard, “Is the - owl still ‘ere?”

“Aye,” Maester Luwin gazed knowingly at Lord Stark, tugging at the chains around his neck, “strange things are stirring, seems like.”

He was met with a deeper frown, “I’ll have a reply for you shortly. Thank you, Maester.” 

Not one, but two scrolls were handed to Maester Luwin on Ned Stark’s way to breakfast. 

“The Reach, my Lord?”

“Aye, and send your swiftest bird.”

“As you command.”

“And Maester,” Ned’s voice grew low and resolute, “Not a word spoken to anyone of the owl or these scrolls. Do I have your word?”

“You have my word.”

 

 

“He’s been acting weirdly all week and now he’s skipped breakfast!”

“Calm down,” Robb declared while taking a bite of jam and bread, “it’s not like things have been exactly normal 'round here, what with lions and stags about.”

Robb sat next to Theon, who was drinking his watered-down ale slowly, nursing a headache from last night. Across from him bounced Arya, who was pestering him about Jon. Again.

“Why am I the only one who cares something is off with him?” she whined. 

“You’re not the only one who has other people to worry about! You think Jon is the only one who is not themselves lately?”

“You don’t care that he made a new best friend in one night? That isn’t like Jon! At least not ones who aren’t your friends, too.”

“We’re not the only people in this castle, little sister. There are lots of people to talk to without other people being there,” but even as he said it, Robb tried washing her comment away with his own watered-down ale, 

“The only reason I’m bothering  _ you _ about it is because he hasn’t been listening to _ me _ !"

"I think maybe it's you who's upset he has a best friend besides _you,"_ Robb jabbed back.

Arya growled in frustration, "How can you call yourself his _brother_ when you can’t even _see_ _ something. Is. Wrong _ _!_ And you _don't care_!” 

Robb slammed both hands on the table, leaning up to tower over her, “ _Enough_ , Arya!” 

In a split second he immediately regretted it. He could see Arya blinking ferociously to hold her tears at bay.

An apology stalled on his lips as she rushed off, wiping angrily at her traitorous tears. Robb watched Arya nearly collide with Uncle Benjen at the far end of the Great Hall. Uncle Benjen raised his breakfast plate in time, stopping her to crouch down and speak words Robb couldn’t hear, but he saw them glance back at him.

“Don’t fret about it Stark,” Theon spoke beside him, “Snow’s just acting like he always has, sulking as ever.”

Robb sat down once he saw Arya hug Uncle Benjen and slip out of the hall. He pushed his plate aside. 

“She’s right though. I haven’t seen Jon act this way in a long time,” Robb replied.

“He’s just jealous he can’t go to the Wall with Fat Tarly. Who knows what those two lovers were talking about ‘til the Hour of the Wolf.”

Robb grabbed Greyjoy by his coat collar, Theon’s eyes going wide, “Don’t call them that. I didn’t like being dragged into making fun of Tarly yesterday, not when _Prince_ Joffrey made it worse. I won’t be doing it again and neither will you. A few moons ago Tarly was the same as you and I. So shut it. Or I’ll make your headache worse.” 

Robb shoved Theon as he released his hold. He didn’t stay to hear any smug remarks, marching towards the nearest door to find his brother. Thinking about it, even though Robb saw him last evening, it felt like he hadn’t seen Jon in weeks.

 

 

Jon stood on the balcony of the highest tower of Winterfell. It was a grey morning, mist covering the moors of the North. A breeze flapped at his cloak and hair. 

He loved coming up here for the view and the peace of it all. Jon could see the castle servants and smallfolk starting their daily tasks, the royal guards and court guests making their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He loved seeing the Weirwood from this view too. Its white branches and broad red leaves reached nearly as high as the tower. 

Jon could see the Wolfswood stretching far to the west. To the eastern horizon, past the moors and the thin blue line that he knew was the eastern branch of the White Knife, was the low rise and fall of the Sheephead Hills. 

Though instead of his usual position of facing North, Jon faced South. The moors and King’s Road stretched on as far as he could see. Far to the southeast, the towers of Castle Cerwyn were just visible. He wondered what it would be like to travel beyond it until he reached the Summer Sea.

He’d been thinking of the dream all through the morning. But just as the young man had said, try as he might, he could not remember faces or details. Just the feelings. The feelings of wrongness and rightness were strongest. He knew they were about him or how he was feeling during the moment in the dream, even if he didn’t know what the moment was.

Jon knew that the feeling of wrongness was from a life he did not want to live, while the feeling of rightness… he wished with all his being to know if he’d ever feel it again.

And the words. The words that he must remember had started to seep into his heart. _Do not go North. For anything. For anyone. Do not abandon them._

Robb appeared around the curved edge of the tower.

“I was just about to panic when I didn’t see you on the northside. Good fortune for me that I walked 'round to make sure.”

Jon only nodded.

Robb put his hand on the walls edge. He took his time taking in the view.

“Arya is very worried about you. She says that even  _ she _ can’t get you to smile. How that must infuriate her!”

Jon chuckled mildly, “Aye, she’s been trying very hard the last few days. It’s hard to explain to her and I don’t want to make her sad any more than need be. Things are changing for all of us, and soon.”

“I know it. I’ve been feeling it too. But nothing has been decided yet. And you don’t need to leave for the Wall until you’re ready."

“If Father leaves then so would I."

Robb's mouth stretched into a thin line.

"I’ve always known I’d leave someday,” Jon paused, “and what Arya isn’t able to help me with is the fact that I won’t be going to the Wall.”

“What?” Robb exclaimed, turning to face Jon, “When did this happen? You've wanted to be a ranger since you were eight!”

“The past week or so,” then Jon explained everything. Robb’s face continued to cloud over the further he spoke. He did not speak of his strange dream though. Jon knew he wasn’t ready to share that yet, if ever.

Jon finished by saying, “I can’t go there. The Night’s Watch isn’t everything I thought it was. I don’t know why I never thought to ask these questions sooner. And... I don’t plan on staying here either.”

“But you belong in the North,” Robb insisted, “It’s your home. I can give you a holdfast, you can become my bannerman. 

Jon glared at him. “Robb. Your mother –”

“Can’t argue with a decision made by Father or me once I’m Warden.”

“Your mother has never wanted my presence in Winterfell. Without Father here she would make my life miserable and drive me out within a week. I know it and so do you. And what about what I want for myself? I do want to make a life somewhere…” he swallowed and reluctantly admitted, “and a family, I think. Sam helped me see that I have options.”

Robb turned away from him to face south, “Where will you go?”

“I don’t know yet. I have a few places in mind but nothing definite,” Jon said.

They stood for a minute or two. The gravity of the changes coming sinking in.

“Don’t dare think that because I’m choosing to leave means it’s an easy decision. The North is all I’ve known. It’s a part of me. That's why this whole week has been terrible for me. I've never dreamed of going South, now it's the only direction I feel I can safely go.”

“I know,” his brother glanced at him, “I selfishly thought you being at the Wall would mean I could visit you. But – I know it would’ve been you visiting me, like Uncle Benjen does, not the other way ‘round. And even then, he’s here while other guests are too.”

Jon nodded, “At least it’s not always the King and his court.”

“Aye, thank the gods for that," Robb said, "but if you go South..."

"I know. You don't have to tell me."

Jon changed the subject.

“What did Arya say to make you find me?”

“She told me you made a new best friend in one night. Told me I was a disgrace to be called your brother if I couldn’t see something was wrong with you.”

Jon laughed, “Well I’m glad she knocked some sense into you. I’m glad I could talk to someone about all this.”

“Aye. I’m glad too, even if our sister was a pain in my arse at breakfast. Though really, she was right, and I still need to tell her that.”

Jon grinned. He made his way to the tower door, “Little sisters like it when we big brothers apologize and make it up to them. She'll be fine. And don’t worry about what she said about best friends. Sam and I have a lot in common, that’s why we could talk so long. But you’re my brother. That won’t change no matter who I’m friends with or where I settle.”

“Well good, I'm happy we're in agreement on that. Come on we’re already late.”

They went to join the others for lessons, including the royal siblings. 

Interestingly to Jon, they weren’t continuing the subject from the previous day. It was changed from King Jaehaerys I Targaryen's diplomacy and royal progress' to learning about politics and trade in the Reach.

 

 

Later that morning, Lord Stark and Jon saw Samwell Tarly off.

“Farewell, Sam,” Jon said, “You’ll last longer at the Wall than you think.”

“I hope you’re right,” Sam replied, “Send a letter when you go South so I know where you’ll be. I’ll tell you all about what your missing. But I believe you'll have far more joys in the South than you'd have with me at the Wall.”

Jon smiled. They clasped elbows and embraced. “Be brave, Sam.”

He felt Sam shake his head nervously.

Once they parted, Samwell replied, "Thank you, Jon Snow. For being kind to me. You're a true friend." 

"Thank you for allowing me to stay, Lord Stark."

"You are welcome to Winterfell whenever you need it, Lord Samwell," his father replied.

"I don't think I'm a lord anymore, but thank you nonetheless." 

Jon and his father watched as the Tarly banners left through the gate towards the King’s Road. 

“I’m glad you connected with the boy. If you had gone to the Wall, I think you would have been a great influence and encouragement for him.”

Jon nodded his head with an “Aye.”

They began walking together through the courtyards. A mixture of Stark, Baratheon and Lannister guards milled about.

“Jon,” Lord Stark began, “first, I hope you will forgive me for not telling you of the Night’s Watch sooner. It was wrong of me not to take you for a visit personally years ago. What with Bran and Rickon coming along, the intention was always overruled. I never meant to deceive you. I’m sorry.”

Chagrined, Jon answered, “Of course I forgive you, Father. I understand things have been quite busy for you. The King and Uncle Benjen’s visit made everything more immediate, is all.”

“Aye. And it’s good that we can talk about it now. I’ve put it off long enough. If you would allow me, I’d like to make a few recommendations for you to consider.”

“Of course.”

“Let’s head for the Godswood.”

As they entered through the gate and became surrounded by the forest, Ned asked, “What are your thoughts so far on the matter?”

Jon hesitated.

“Speak freely, son. I only mean to know what you’ve thought through on your own so I don’t presume anything.”

“I- I believe I’d like to leave the North, if it please, my Lord.”

Jon heard his Father’s exhale of breath. He did not know whether it was good or bad.

“Do you have an objection to me leaving the North?”

“No, I actually think it a good choice. Yet also a dangerous one.”

Jon raised his eyes to meet the matching grey. There steps slowed.

“You must understand that there are far more political schemes in the six kingdoms compared to here. The North schemes in its own way but it’s more internal schemes rather than schemes vying for control over other kingdoms.”

Jon looked ahead again as they drew near the Weirwood. He remained standing as his father took a seat at his usual rock by the pool.

“Sometimes those schemes can hurt the people who are under the Lords and Ladies vying for power. And indirectly, it affects the entire country,” Ned sighed, “ I don’t like the South nor the schemes and plots. The North is where I belong, but I cannot deny the duty I’ve been tasked with.”

Jon suddenly saw the deep lines on his Father’s forehead and the dark circles under his eyes. 

“As Warden I can command you to stay in the North or arrange with another house here or one in the South a position for you. But as your Father… and as your protector… I think it best if you settle without being bound to a certain house. Outside of the North there are scarce to no houses I can trust to ensure your survival and steady living. The few I would, well…”

“What are you saying, Father?”

Ned looked up at him, “I’m saying that you may decide where you would like to go, what you will do and become. I will not force you to have a commission with a house that you would not want or a place unknown to you or untrustworthy. There are, however, a few select places that I will strongly sway you against and even forbid you settle in.”

That surprised him, “Like where?”

Ned stood and placed his hand on Jon’s shoulder, “You will not come with me to King’s Landing.”

Jon’s eyes widened. His heart plummeted to his stomach. 

“Why not?” Jon whispered hoarsely.

“It is a dangerous place,” Ned replied, “filled with men who will use you instead of treating you as a human, or not allow you to leave if you wished or would tear you apart physically or otherwise. I don’t wish that for you. I had a thought you might want to be close to family. But there are circumstances beyond your control that make it too dangerous. You could settle in the districts around the castle, but people would know who you are more easily being so close to the Red Keep and… with me as the King’s Hand...“ 

His father trailed off, emotions warring over his face. 

“So it’s true, you’ve accepted it,” Jon stepped out of his Father’s reach, “Then why are you going if you know it to be so dangerous and terrible?”

“Because I have to. The King has asked it of me and I cannot refuse him. Some of your younger siblings will go with me as well. But your case would be different. They will be under the protection of my guard and Sansa will have protection being betrothed to the crown prince. You’d be building a living for yourself. King’s Landing is not the place to seek it. Not with everything going on. You'd have a hard time of it.”

"Because I'm a Snow?"

"No," his Father stated firmly in his Warden-of-the-North voice, "You might not have my name. But you have my blood. You are a Stark."

Jon stared at the face of the Weirwood tree, his face downcast. He once thought that being a Stark would make him happy. Now it made leaving harder. He closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath. 

“Are there any other places you forbid me to go?” he asked.

Ned walked back to the pool, though he did not sit. Just stared at the glassy stillness. 

“I would not recommend traveling to Essos. Though if you are set upon it, then perhaps Braavos might suit. It is the wealthiest of the free cities, good trade, and closest to the North.”

“But.”

He saw his father’s faint smirk from the corner of his eye.

“But – I do have a recommendation within Westeros that may be agreeable to you.”

Jon faced his father once more.

“My recommendation, my son, is that you go to the Reach. To Oldtown.”

 

 

 


End file.
